JOURNAL...9/20/2026...
Hello! Fellow traveler of words and internet. I haven't written many journals lately because I've been very busy on a new writing project. I'm usually posting when I feel pretty shitty. I was rejected by another couple of publishers and recently realized what was a huge factor in all my rejections: I have become antiquated and the annals of true literature is lost on grisly magazines seeking to push their sales. They wanted to ignore all the craft of our masters of olden times and I cannot abide by that. What blasphemy! What a disgrace! I cannot write in any other way than the man who mentored me, taught me what I know about writing. I will not change another word. Instead, I retreat inside and now have chosen to write The Rauk Probability Theorem. It is invigorating and gives me 4ish years to finish the 4 volume book it will be in the end. I have a long and complicated experience in a manic episode from my bipolar condition that I might write about eventually. Anyways, I am excited to step away from short stories for a while. Writing so many stories kind of took the joy out of it. I have begun studying again, my spirituality of Gnosticism. The book will be suffused through with Gnostic thought/belief/wisdom. Lately, I have been reading origin stories interpreted through Gnostic, maybe I'll blog about that too eventually. Anyways, I'm not publishable, I had no idea that that's how writing and publishing words had changed over the decades. I hardly read anything outside of Hermann Hesse so......that means I'm going to stand by my teacher. Just hurts everytime I am rejected but at least I have a better idea of why that is. By god, I feel like crap. I feel like a freak. Will my writing ever find a home? I don't know if it will. I'm going to keep grinding regardless. World building has been incredibly fun and I'm currently outlining it. It has Major Arcana from Tarot decks so 20 characters to build and balance over 4 novels. It is such a refreshing change from building quick, nearly brutish, compressed stories. I think maybe my number of rejections might surpass even the greatest horror master: Stephen King. Which is a depressing thought but I'm turning away from publishing until I finish my entire series. I'll dip some of the story here and there but mostly diving into different experiences that brought me to wanting to write. So I've been having a good weekend, filled with characters, thoughts on history and origin myths(mostly from Gnosticism which are specifically related to Christianity with wildly different interpretations of ancient Christian texts. The Gnostics were nearly completely eradicated and are an obscure sect or....collective wisdom? They claimed Gnosticism but did not follow traditional rites like Sundays at church. They described the necessary experience of Gnosis, an actual experience, to become bonded to Gnosis. I, myself, was awakened through Hermann Hesse and Carl Jung, when I first read the first Gnostic term I learned: Abraxas, one of the ancient Godheads of Gnosticism. Anywayssss......having a good time. It's been a good time.