JOURNAL...9/14/2026
Hello again the void of the internet. I don't believe anyone out there is listening but at the very least I will have some record of my life in some form, somewhere in the deep bowels of the internet.
Work today went very well! I got a lot done and was in a good mood the entire time. The up swells of positive emotions, escape from the pain, is pretty amazing. They don't come often so I'm going to work hard to get in as many hours of work as I can before I fall back down again. But, for now, the day is good and that is good.
I made a decision today. I'm going to dream of being a writer, big dreams, and pursue it to the very ends. I have always had a secret dream of being a horror writer since I was in 3rd grade but my parents were insane and forced me to submit to their designs for my life under threat of physical violence. I swallowed even the idea I could be a writer and did not think of it until my husband loved my writing so dearly. I had a giant manic episode for 3 months and it sparked in me hope. Hope to have a dream to wish for. Hope that I had some kind of artistic skill and could create my own stories. I don't really have anyone in my life reading my stories or the book I published through KDP, which is a bummer but I know my writing is not for everyone. I am a child of Hermann Hesse and I don't know how to write any other way. This is my art. And so, I affirm the conviction within me that the pursuit of writing must continue regardless of publishing or not. I cannot survive without writing. I live now measured by my plans for books to publish. I came up with a book called The Rauk Probability Theorem from visions I had in mania. I'll write about that another day.
Dear stranger in the void, I declare I shall be published one day(just hopefully not posthumously) I do think it's a badge of honor to be dead when your books get published in history but it would be nice if it happened while I'm alive.