JOURNAL...09/11/2026
Hello again dear stranger in the screen. Today's morning was godawful. I woke up in a fit of self-loathing and humiliation. Existing is getting harder but this life must be lived. I wonder if one day, I will be awake and feel peaceful. I know it's possible, it's happened before, but I feel so weak against this current wave of bipolar volatility. I just wish I had more peace than more suffering. My thoughts swarm me like a cloud of wasps, stinging me and ruining me. I exist in emotional pain constantly. It prevents me from my dreams. I don't know if I mentioned it before but I got another rejection letter from a publisher. That's around the 25th time I've been rejected. It is hard to not be discouraged but the only meaning for my purpose is to write. I just don't think anyone will read my books. I think I'm starting to become okay with that fate. But! I won't stop writing, regardless if I get published or not. I would love it but I just don't really think my books will be read. I am feeling extreme melancholy and pain in my chest. It's always inside the chest that the pain is the worst. Is it the rejection making me like this? I have never had someone read my writing and support me in publishing. What more can I really do it? I have no knowledge of the way most people get published. I feel embarrassed for even trying sometimes. I've never had anyone look at my writing and find it worth reading. Hopefully, one or two of the people I know might be interested but that definitely does not count in my opinion. I don't know. I am so sad today that my chest is aching and aching. What can one do in the face of towering waves upon stone and mortar? I don't think I'm that bad of a writer but its difficult without support. I wish I had one person that would read my stories and help me edit them or give me opinions I could build off. This place to post my stories is quite satisfying and it is my hope that someone might enjoy them.
Unburdened myself. I feel a little better.
-Hanafubuku Horseloverfat